


What Sober Couldn’t Say

by HallowsEve



Series: Happily NEVER After: Supernatural Edition [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Solves Nothing, Alternate Universe - Real World, Break Up, Closeted Dean Winchester, Dean is Bad at Feelings, F/M, Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, POV Castiel, Sad Ending, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 00:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallowsEve/pseuds/HallowsEve
Summary: Emboldened by booze, Castiel finds the courage to say enough is enough and leave his unhealthy relationship with an ever closeted Dean. – AU: Real World (NOT DESTIEL ENDING!)





	What Sober Couldn’t Say

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read and written on a whim, so all mistakes are my own. Please note the tags and the series this is a part of. I don't see this as a sad ending as Cas puts his own needs first and there is nothing wrong with that, but you know, some may be sad. 
> 
> Fic is inspired by the song titled the same by Halestorm. AWESOME song.

It was the weekend of their 4 year anniversary.

Not that anyone would know that, least of all the intoxicated woman who was hanging all over Dean and pawing at him like a bitch in heat. For people to actually know that, it would mean that Dean finally came out of the closet and confessed to being in a very sexually active relationship with his best friend. He hadn’t though. Every time Cas asked, it turned into a fight that lead to them once again sleeping in separate bedrooms or Dean staying over at Sam’s place. So Cas just stopped asking. He was weak. He knew his relationship with Dean could not exactly be called healthy. It was just easy, too easy, for him to ignore it when Dean turned on the charm or when he crawled into bed and wrapped himself around Cas and cried into his hair how sorry he was and how he never meant to hurt Cas.

Dean has scars. Sure, physical ones, but it was the emotional ones that had molded Dean into the unintentional asshole he’d become. When it came to others, Dean was the absolute most sacrificial mother fucker alive, but when it came to himself and his happiness, Dean was quite literally his own worst enemy. Cas was just unintentional collateral damage from Dean’s own self-destructive behaviors.

He had an amazing relationship with Cas. He had a supportive, loving partner who wanted long term with Dean. Someone who understood his hangups and had an inhuman amount of patience and yet they were sitting in the Roadhouse and Cas was nursing a rapidly warming beer while his boyfriend flirt with some bar bunny.

She was the ideal partner for Dean, Cas realized sadly. She was leggy with long brown hair and sparkling brown eyes and don’t even get Cas started on her body. He was a gay as the day is long and even he could appreciate how attractive this woman was.

“Yoga, does a body good.” Dean smirked as he openly leered at the woman’s figure. The woman chuckled with an eye roll and hit Dean lightly on his shoulder.

“Do those lines work on anyone?” She scoffed playfully.

Dean shrugged and leaned forward slightly, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” He winked and leaned back, sipping at his beer like he had no care in the world.

Cas just watched in pained horror. It was like an accident. He didn’t want to stare. He didn’t want to actually see this, but he couldn’t look away. There was some super teeny tiny hope deep inside him that Dean would realize just how hurtful he was behaving and would push the woman away and come over to him and beg for forgiveness.

He didn’t.

He smiled and laughed at the woman’s comments and allowed her to touch him and lean into him and as her lips began tracing Dean’s neck, Cas decided he was done.

“Cas?” Jo asked in surprise when the blue-eyed man slammed $50 on the counter to cover his $15 tab and stormed from the bar. “Cas!”

Cas heard nothing beyond the pounding in his ears. How could he be so dumb? Why did he allow this to happen? It was a vicious, toxic cycle. He knew how this would end.

Dean would come home, possibly tonight, drunk and still smelling of whatever woman he hooked up with and then cry to Castiel how sorry he was and how much he loved him and how scared he was that John would hate him if he came out as dating a man and how they meant nothing to him. Cas would cry and feel like shit and avoid Dean for days until Dean’s melancholy behavior finally broke through to him and he’d allow Dean to shower him with love and affection and he’d feel somewhat content sipping at his tea with organic honey while watching a documentary on bees while Dean rubbed his feet. And they’d be happy, until the next time.

Cas threw his keys on the table as he entered their small condo, the place feeling empty and cold without Dean’s music and presence. His stomach churned and his heart physically ached as he entered their kitchen and opened the shelf to the right of the fridge that housed their bar stuff. Not even paying any mind, he grabbed Dean’s whiskey and took a long swig. It burned like hell and Cas nearly threw it back up, but he was determined to just turn all these feelings off. So he took another. And another. And another.

Hours passed. Maybe 1 or 5, Cas wasn’t really paying attention. Everything became fuzzy and warm and hurt a shit ton less. Cas leaned back on their sofa and closed his eyes, imagining a life where he wasn’t being dragged back into the closet he worked so fucking hard to break free from. He grew up in a staunch Catholic family that believed that just about everything short of worshiping 24/7 was a sin. When he finally came out as gay, his parents had thrown him out with nothing but the clothes on his back. No cell phone. No money. Nothing. He had to work 3 jobs to pay for college and everything Cas had now was because of his hard work. And yet here he was, playing loyal best friend because his lover was in the closet.

The sun was beginning to rise when the door opened and Dean entered.

His face was drawn into a frown and Cas could see his eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. He had clearly been crying on his way home, but Cas also saw the dark hickey on his neck and his lips were slightly swollen from kissing. Cas sneered and looked away, focusing on the bottle in his hands.

Dean closed the door quietly and set his keys down on the table, next to Cas’s, and focused on taking off his jacket. With nothing left to distract him, Dean shoved his hands into his pockets and drew his shoulders up as though he were bracing for a hit. It pissed Cas off because how dare he play the victim.

“Cas, I –“ Dean trailed off with a soft sob.

“Did you sleep with her?” Cas tonelessly asked, surprisingly feeling absolutely nothing.

Dean winced, like the words had physically hit him and looked away, eyes blinking rapidly.

“She means nothing to me, baby. Absolutely nothing.” Dean whispered and his pain was palpable.

Cas snorted and took another swig from the whiskey, realizing now why Dean drank like he did. Cas felt blissfully relieved of all his pain and suffering.

“No, I think that’s me who means nothing.” Cas smiled at bottle and took another drink.

“Baby, that’s not true. I love you!” Dean cried as he moved forward, kneeling before his boyfriend and carefully taking the bottle out of his hands and placing it on the glass top table next to the couch and then taking Cas’s own hands in his. Leaning down he kissed them like they were precious. “I know I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry, baby. I love you so much and I don’t know how to stop hurting you.”

Cas leaned back and stared at the ceiling, the tears pooling in his eyes. He’d heard this before. Multiple times before. They meant nothing. He loves Cas. He can’t come out yet. Maybe next year. Maybe next year. Maybe next year.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Cas whispered when the tears finally broke free.

“Cas, baby, no.” Dean choked out, gripping the other man’s hands tightly.

“You don’t love me, Dean! This isn’t love!” Cas cried as the weight of the past 4 years came crashing down. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but all he knew was he was so fucking done with this.

“It won’t happen again. I promise. Please don’t give up on me.” Dean begged and moved to hug Cas, but found himself stopped when Cas pushed him away and quickly rose from the couch and storming to his bedroom.

His arms tingling with adrenalin, Cas grabbed his duffle from the closet and began throwing his clothes haphazardly into it. It went against his normal organized ways to not actually put some effort into it, but right now, he couldn’t care. He just needed to be out of here. He needed his essentials so he could go stay with Gabriel until he could figure his shit out.

“What are you doing?” Dean whispered, standing in the doorway with wide scared eyes.

“Packing up my shit.” Cas snarled in response.

“Please don’t, baby, give me another chance.” Tears escaped green eyes, but went unnoticed by Cas.

“No, you won’t, Dean.” Cas said, facing his lover as put the duffle on his shoulder. “You take and you take and you take and, Jesus, I have nothing left to give. It’s been four years, Dean! FOUR! You have slept with how many women during that time because you can’t accept that you like dick? I’m done, Dean! DONE!”

Cas stormed passed Dean, his head was pounding and the alcohol that burned in his gut threatened to rise again, but he ignored both. He needed to be out of here.

“You don’t mean this, baby. Please! We both drank too much!” Dean sobbed, chasing Cas to the living room.

Cas stopped at the door and took several deep breaths, willing his heart to calm down. Was he drunk? Of course. You don’t drop back half a bottle of whiskey and not feel something from it, but more than drunk he felt so incredibly done. He loved Dean. God, he loved that man more than anything, but it didn’t mean he was good for him and it didn’t mean that Dean returned that love. Cas tried. He tried so hard to help Dean make peace with his sexuality, but at what cost? Cas had lost so much of himself that he didn’t even know who he was anymore. He wasn’t lying when he said he gave and he gave. He gave himself over completely and got scraps in return. Maybe it was the booze that made him brave, but it wasn’t the booze that made him hurt. That was all Dean. And somewhat Cas for letting it happen.

Cas looked over his shoulder and found himself numb at the sight of Dean standing there with tears streaming down his eyes.

“I’m drunk and brave enough to say, I’m over this. So over this.” Cas sighed and before Dean could respond, Cas grabbed his keys and left the condo, the slam of the door sealing the fate of their unhealthy relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> I will most likely never do a sequel so if you want to imagine they worked this out, go for it. Please note IF I ever did, they are NOT getting back together.


End file.
